Mother says Camino walk had life-changing impact on her after daughter’s suicide

By Gráinne Ní Aodha, PA

A mother who lost her teenage daughter to suicide has told how a Camino walk with other bereaved parents had a life-changing impact on her.

Tracey Monaghan, whose daughter Toni Marie Kenny, 17, died two years ago next month, said the week-long pilgrimage in Spain gave her the chance to talk about her daughter and remember her openly.

Organised by all-island bereavement support group Anam Cara, she was among a group which took on the Camino de Santiago challenge last month.

“People will often run a mile from your grief. You are very much alone and people will avoid conversations at all costs,” said Ms Monaghan, who is from Mullingar in Co Westmeath.

“This was the first time for me to go somewhere by myself. I met complete strangers and felt like my spirit was lifted.

“You could tell your story and you listened to other stories. We talked the world out of it and even though I was anxious about going, when you heard the stories, you realised you weren’t alone.”

Toni Marie, who was in her Leaving Cert year, died just days before Christmas in 2023.

While her daughter struggled with anxiety and anorexia, Ms Monaghan said Toni Marie had been on good form and was discussing plans to work on a cruise ship.

However, it was only later that she realised those plans were to distract her.

Despite Toni Marie’s mental health struggles, her mother says they were extremely close and her daughter was fiercely independent.

“When you lose a child, you want the whole world to close.

The Camino isn’t just a trek; it’s a moving community where people find strength in one another and moments of lightness in even the heaviest grief

“I’m so glad I did the Camino. What I would say to other parents is you need to do something for you, you need the time.

“Things have changed in a lot of ways for me. You hear about the Camino and it’s one step at a time.

“Everyone has their own grief, their own story. Go outside your comfort zone – it does change your perspective and there’s a sense of achievement at the end.”

Anam Cara, which aims to create a society where no bereaved parent has to grieve alone, is inviting other parents who have lost children to walk the Camino with it next year.

Chief executive Michelle Reynolds said the charity is there to offer information, resources, practical advice and peer support sessions for parents after bereavement.

The Camino, she said, offers a rare opportunity to step away from daily life, to walk alongside others who understand and to find moments of peace and hope.

“The Camino isn’t just a trek; it’s a moving community where people find strength in one another and moments of lightness in even the heaviest grief.”

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, you can freephone the Samaritans 24 hours a day for confidential support at 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org.  

You can also freephone the national Bereavement Support Line run by the HSE and Irish Hospice Foundation at 1800-80 70 77 (Monday-Friday 10am-1pm), and the contact information for a range of mental health supports is available at mentalhealthireland.ie/get-support/. 

In the case of an emergency, or if you or someone you know is at risk of suicide or self-harm, dial 999/112.